by dances with cars
Mercury Rising, Issue #9, December 1993
why did i go to race? i know myself and i hate official anythings. if a happening is going on and there are more than three american cardinal principles:
I) LIFE don't get killed
II) LIBERTY be cool
III) PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS da then i’m not having fun.
so much to tell and so little prose. i’ll let the others draw you a picture of the gathering, lets rap about the race. awickawickawickiwick
the first thing i noticed was the amazing difference between the european and north american riders. we were messengers and they were dorks with vinyl backpacks. well, most of them. some were cool. some were fuckin’ huge. and some were beautiful. attitude was what it was all about, though. we had it and. they, most definitely, did not. well, most of them. but anyway, here’s the deal with the race.
DAY ONE: THE PRELIMINARIES!!!!!
7 heats of 60 riders in each one, one of those being just for our more feminine compatriots. i get to the race place and i’m in major dislike of the situation. i enjoy sports like your average feller and i dig a little race downtown once in a while, but for fun. when i was a kid i loved pick up football games, but when it became the army in high school i no longer excelled. it tern’t fun no mo. BANG! wait not yet. We were all standing around trying to listen to the loud speaker until we figured out that they were speaking german. the racers included: your humble narrator, mr. boom, mark (the ultimate grunger dude from pelican), top bike mike rivas, eric zo, michael studabaker marketere muskatere, victor the absurd, andrew from speedway (sf's real number uno), and i’m sad to say none of our little lovelies had enough room to bring their bikes. oh ya, rich parte was in france.
BANG boom boom boom was in the first heat and what a major bummer that was. this was when the organizers began learning that the race design sucked a really long one. 60 riders going as hard as they can towards a bunch of fold out tables with stacks of manila envelopes on top. on top, initially. as soon as the first rider got there the envelopes were all over the place, shortly followed by the riders being all over the place. this was my first lesson, get out of the gate as quickly as possible and don't go down. the next stop was about 50 ft away on the other side of the road. that’s where the tubes were lying in wait, my fate in their phallic little hands. i grabbed. my package, was off and was lookin’ good near the front of the pack. if you'll notice in picture 1, andrew (with helmet) is in front of me. i stowed away my cargo and cut my throat. in purpose to be as quick as possible i failed to strap the tube into my bag. so here I was blasting down one of the smoothest roads I've ever encountered, high speed man, heading towards the first obstacle when it falls out. the fuckin’ tube falls out. well, yes, my heart sank, but i kept my wits and resolve. i circled back and WHOOOSH, everyone starts passing me. i get that tube and strap the fucker in.
now, most unfortunately i had to cut through the pack. this is where i really noticed a european defect. these boys, well most of them, couldn't bunny hop to save their job. killer bikes, some very expensive bikes frcm there as well as here, but dude, they sucked. i almost went down going over the first set of 4 wood cargo flats, set up so that if one had enough speed and skill one could hop all 4, which i did on my second lap, legs, wheels, riders, and tubes everywhere every place through that part of the race, i escaped unscathed and dashed towards my next labor. a good click of a sprint and its time to play who can puke first we had to run. we had to put our bikes down (not lock them or any messengerly thing like that) no, just threw them down and ran. down a flight of steps, you went, down a corridor about 100 yds. long, up more stairs, drop the envelope (get the receipt), back down the steps, down the football field, up the steps, and back on the bike and more high adventure. the next feat we had to perform was to (oh, by the way this is the only time it rained during the preliminaries, during this part of my race, the third heat) jump off a ramp and then, if you had enough speed you could bunny hop over another wood cargo flat. here was the second learned lesson, stay away from any vinyl bag over the jumps. those boys were deadly, no control whatsoever, one of them landing on his head was the cause of rivas’ restart. during all of this, of course, i had no idea how many riders passed me and what place i was or anything like that. to qualify, one had to finish in the top 20 of each heat. the first 10 went to the A final and 11-20 qualified for the B final, which was the same except the A’s had a three minute head start. but, if you were fast enough to catch up and then finish first you could still be the champ. so anyway, i pass people on the jump, over the obstacles, and even on the turns, they took them wide. the tube was dropped when you picked the right gate to go through. you matched the number on the tube with the one on the gate dropped it off and got a piece of cheese (not really) in my dazed state i forgot this little detail and just went into the most uncrowded gate. i guess esp was in gear, however, because i had no problems with the officials . everything was done twice, but some had to do it 4 times, i’ll let rivas tell that story. somehow i ended up finishing 16 in the race, fateful i thought, it being my number at work and all. NOT
now remember when andrew was ahead of me at the beginning of the race and how i dropped my tube near the beginning? well, he finished 10 and i caught up to 16 so anyway....i make it to the final and i didn't overtake the A pack, i did catch some though. the final was more of the game with a hell of a lot more riding in between, 20 km. to be exact, as well as an egg and a quick tire tube change thrown in for laughs. but win or lose after the race we were all hot and sweaty with a shit load of reporters and photographers willing to oblige our bruised egos.
| main | articles | laws | zines | report | 10-9 day |
If you have comments or suggestions, email me at messvilleto@yahoo.com