The Bigots' Views

Bob Levey's Personal Prejudices Against Bike Messengers

from the Washington Post [ rumor has it they were rejected by The National Enquirer as unsubstantiated fantasies]

July 20, 1987:

Overheard at the corner of 19th and M streets NW, one bicycle messenger to another:

"It's bad out here today, man. I almost got sideswiped twice on K Street by cars."

This from the kings of the sideswipe. Ask any pedestrian. If you can find one who doesn't bail out of the way the second he sees a bike messenger coming.

September 25, 1987:

BARRING BICYCLE COURIERS FROM DOWNTOWN STREETS: I proposed this in my column of Sept. 4. I described bike couriers as "dangerous menaces." I also said that the next ticket one of them gets will be the first.

It took about one instant for a U.S. Capitol Police officer to call and invite me to the corner of First Street and Independence Avenue SE. "I nail a bunch of them there every day," he said.

Jerry A. McCoy of Northwest agrees that cyclists get tickets. His complaint is that recreational cyclists such as Jerry A. McCoy get them when couriers, who are far more dangerous, don't.

Jerry also points out that bike riding on sidewalks is prohibited in the heart of downtown. A lot of police officers aren't aware of this, Jerry says. They should be. But so should bicyclists.

Matthew Reingold, a board member of the Washington Metropolitan Couriers Association, notes that WMCA has urged the D.C. Council to regulate the courier industry. WMCA advocates diligent enforcement of existing traffic laws, training for couriers, identification and helmets. Matthew points out that the council is studying these and other recommendations, including licensing. He thinks this is more constructive than chasing couriers out of downtown forever.

I think couriers are such a pressing problem that we should bar them first and study proposals second. But, yes, I'd rather have some action by the council than no action by anyone.

Lisa Gurney, director of the Washington Area Bicyclist Association, writes that "the average noncyclist can't tell the difference between a commuter and a courier. All you have done is target a lot of anger at bicyclists in general."

I sincerely hope I haven't, Lisa, and I sincerely doubt it. You really think people can't tell couriers and commuters apart? Try this for a rule of thumb: Couriers break laws. Commuters don't.

Last word goes to an anonymous courier who wrote: "Bicycle couriers are people, too, and not all of us are crazy."

Then the letter touched all the bases by adding:

"And the ones that are crazy have a right to be."

October 6, 1987:

Bike Messenger Watch: There was a woman in a car, in the right lane of 20th Street NW, waiting for the light at I Street to change . . . . When it did, she began to make a right turn. Suddenly, a bike messenger tried to whip past her on the right. She turned into his path. He had to brake very sharply to avoid a collision . . . . Of course, the messenger had been the unsafe one of the pair. But who cursed out the lady at the top of his lungs? And who took out his heavy lock and smashed the lady's car right on its roof, leaving a two-inch-deep-crater? . . . . I say it again (and I'll keep saying it as long as I hear stories like this): Get these menaces out of downtown, and get them out now . . . .

September 22, 1988:

ANTIBICYCLIST? NOT GUILTY, YOUR HONOR

Huzzah! A chance to clear the air! It comes courtesy of a puzzled reader, Ewing Taylor of Rockville.

"I have been a regular reader of your column for several years," Ewing writes, "and I have never seen your column mention bicyclists except in the context of messengers . . . .

"This leads me to wonder about your personal opinion of this activity. Do you simply not care for it, or are you an antibicyclist?

" . . . . I am not accusing you of being in league with the dark forces, but your exclusively negative portrayal of bicyclists leads me to wonder just how you do view us. Any comment you care to make would be appreciated."

My comment, Ewing, comes in the form of a report from the Levey dining room. Here is the scene most evenings:

Alexander Levey, age 2, sticks the last bite of his dinner in his mouth. Before he has finished chewing, he asks:

"We go for bike ride, Daddy? We go for bike ride, Mommy?" And often we do, with 6-year-old Emily Levey leading the way on her brand-new lime green fabulocycle.

Allie is still a bit young to do any pedaling. He occupies one of those plastic ride-behind-Mom baby seats. But he is no less enthusiastic.

So the long and the short of it is that we're biking believers, not detractors. And like Ewing Taylor, we're dismayed by the way motorists endanger us. We are not pieces of tumbleweed. We are not interlopers. Yet we're treated that way constantly.

How to fight back?

By turning the other cheek, by continuing to obey the laws and by pointing out that scofflaw bike messengers threaten not just pedestrians, and not just themselves, but recreational cyclists, too.

Why? Because many aggressive and hostile motorists don't bother to distinguish between a recreational cyclist and a bike messenger. Probably it was a messenger who cut them off on a downtown street last week. But they don't care if they take revenge against another messenger, or against a fat father taking his 2-year-old for a spin after dinner.

So, Ewing, I'm one of you, and hope to remain that way. But there will be lots more dead and injured bicyclists if we recreationals don't stand up and identify the messengers as the threats they are.

February 14, 1989:

When posed a question regarding a wheelchair being driven down the service road in the 1700 block of K Street -- the wrong way.

Q: What could the wheelchair operator have been charged with if he had been arrested? "

A: The guy could not have been charged as a reckless driver. You need to be driving a motor vehicle for those laws to come into play, and Mr. K Street Knievel was operating strictly under his own power.

So could he have been charged as a pedestrian? Almost certainly not, because he wasn't one.

Well, what then? According to a D.C. police spokesman, an arresting officer would probably have trotted out a catch-all like disorderly conduct. "That's what we use on the bike messengers," the spokesman said.

We will pause 10 seconds for hearty laughter over that one. Halley's comet will be back before significant numbers of bike messengers are busted for disorderly conduct (or anything else). Still, that's the best answer I can supply.

Hmmmmm.

April 8, 1991:

Throughout downtown, they zip and dart

They smash grandmas to rubble

But bring bike couriers under law?

I guess it's too much trouble

April 17, 1991:

Seen those fliers under windshield wipers around town? They're aimed at our wondrously law-abiding bike messengers. They read:

"Promote safe bicycling. Get the couriers off our streets and our sidewalks. GET A FAX MACHINE!"

October 16, 1991:

Levey's Bests and Worsts . . . .

Worst: Bike messengers who take stupid chances and wonder why they pay the price. Did you see the accident in the 700 block of 13th Street NW on Monday afternoon of last week? As described to me by eyewitnesses, a car had double-parked in the middle of the block so a passenger could get out. There were at most two feet between parked car and double-parked car. But a bike messenger figured that was enough. What he didn't reckon with was what would happen to him when the passenger in the double-parked car opened her door just before he came swooshing through. The messenger suffered two broken arms and a badly fractured cheek, all because he was trying to save three seconds -- and look cool in the process.

February 5, 1992:

Candy Tordonato, of Fairfax Station, has "turned in" a bumper sticker that she finds repulsive. Bike messengers are sporting it all over town. It reads:

SO MANY PEDESTRIANS, SO LITTLE TIME

The sticker would be funny if it weren't so accurate. As Candy notes, "I can't believe what those horrible people do to decent, innocent pedestrians." They have a lot of nerve snickering about the damage they regularly inflict.

How about fighting fire with fire? How about another sticker, predicting how long bike messengers might be working at their chosen profession? The second sticker might read:

SO MANY FAX MACHINES, SO LITTLE TIME

March 3, 1992:

BIKE MESSENGERS: They've been writing to me in droves following my latest love letter about their behavior, but I'm not persuaded. The typical messenger argues that he's just trying to make a living. So am I, guys. But I don't ignore laws, run over pedestrians and curse at motorists to do it.

Much more compelling are the arguments of Tom Longo, of Falls Church. He describes himself as "a rotund 49" and a "scathing critic" of bike messengers. "Boob is too mild a term for them," Tom asserts.

But he's worried that Levey, in his purpleness, has also tarnished recreational bicyclists, Tom among them. "Esteemed columnist Levey anti-cyclist?" Tom bleats. "Say it isn't so, Bob!"

It isn't so, Tom.

I am not quite rotund and not quite 49, although I'm creeping up on both. Yet, in defiance of all laws of physics, I too hop aboard a bike for purely aerobic purposes whenever I can. I'm a big bike believer, if you want it alliteratively. I'm sorry for any confusion, if you don't.

March 10, 1992:

As always, you readers were equal to the challenge. I asked you to think up Unlikelyisms -- marriages between someone or something well-known and a product, business or concept that couldn't fit that individual no matter what. Here are the best submissions:

...Finally, a couple that are close to home.

Bob Levey's Bicycle Messenger Service (Jenny Reid again).

Washington Post Front Door Delivery Service (Roy H. Millenson, of Bethesda).

March 20, 1992:

Now that we have plugged that huge hole in the linguistic dike, I figure I can disappear on vacation.

I also figure I will.

Take good care, eat three squares, remember your mother's birthday and make nasty faces at all bike messengers and red-light runners. I'll be back in this space on March 30.

June 30, 1992:

A reader reports seeing a bike messenger on a downtown street the other day. The bikist had rigged up a 12-volt car battery to the back of his bike. A pair of stereo speakers was attached to the battery. Huge waves of heavy metal music followed the messenger wherever he went.

Clever, Mr. Messenger -- but also irritating. Huge waves of sound just might disrupt others. Or are you the only person on Earth?

For more of Levey's rants see the following:

main articles laws zines report 10-9 day

If you have comments or suggestions, email me at messvilleto@yahoo.com