by Professor Grifter
Mercury Rising #2, November 1991
...is basically the tale of a bunch of working stiff style bike messengers who were either too uncoordinated to ride a skateboard or too broke to buy one. The need for such an aggregation was doubtful as much as its usefulness was non-existent, but it did provide the opportunity for the creation of some of the most prolifically festooned sleeveless denims ever seen. (I'm talkin' about your colors, you non-thesaurus reading chump!) Probably the best of these and unquestionably the most painstakingly designed and executed belonged to Jason, aka J-Bone. His unique insignia consisted of several hundred safety pins formed in a circle around the word HANX, also made from safety pins. The visual effect was dazzling, even though the weight of the pins made it feel more like a flak jacket than riding attire. A photo of J-Bone in his colors was used for an Image magazine article. A full-size print of it still hangs at his final gig in California (he now has his own company in Denver): Aspen Graphics at 200 Green.
One problem with colors which allegedly caused most companies to ban them under threat of termination was keeping them clean. Not of mere dirt and grime, mind you, but of long, hot days of sweat and even longer nights of beer. Laundering colors was unthinkable unheard of sacrilege! However, it did occur with conjugally connected HANX; Bob 18" Bennett and Carl Dung Boy Carpenito being two of the most affected. When the noble garments became too odoriferous for their non-messenger nostrils (or when the damn things just plain stank to high heaven) Patty and Robyn would simply toss them in with the rest of the week’s wash, completely disregarding the rare embroidered keepsake patches sewn thereupon and sometimes, depending on the state of rancidity, my painted metal stickpins accompanying them.
This fortunately was the exception and not the rule, as it was customary for many a HANX member to have his colors signed by other members. Washing them then would have made this practice not only pointless, but absolutely stupid!
Well that's one story of the HANX. Not bad for filler, if you think about it! If anyone else has another, send it in! You supply the story, I'll supply the syntax (that’s a word you'll find in another book you've never read!) Till then, I'm
-Professor Grifter,
-The Pedaling Pedagogue
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